To the men out there who have had a woman who loves them, the real them and would fight for them. Don't let her slip through your fingers because one day she may find the strength to walk out the door.
To the women out there who loved these men that let them go and were able to walk away I wish I knew I had your strength.
I want to save my relationship with all my heart and soul. I really do.....well what is left of it. I am not sure how much can be salvaged since it is currently a fragment of what it used to be. What's strange is I am no stranger to this place of heartache. I have been here a couple of times before. Why? Because when he lets me love him and loves me back it is beautiful. Maybe I am a masochist or something. Either way this relationship limbo that I am currently living in is like pure hell.
But something has changed this time. I am feeling broken down and I am tired. I have been fighting for us and believing in us for over five years. My heart is starting to give out and one by one the cells in my body are shutting down. I don't really think I can do this anymore. This back and fourth from joy to sorrow. This months of agonizing about what is wrong with me over what is wrong with him. This time I wanted to know what his problem was....according to the internet it's clearly bipolar depression. There are women all over the country with stories just like mine, in fact they are identical. The roller coaster never ends for them unless they get the medical help they need. I don't know that I really believe that will ever happen.
I'm going back and fourth in my mind over the pros and cons of everything everyday. I am so sick of crying and something has got to give. Part of me says it's time to throw in the towel to walk out the door for the last time and not to look back. But God only knows how bad that will hurt and I don't know if I am strong enough to do it. Then the other part of me says that love conquers all. That I should not take any action, all the pieces in the puzzle will fall together very soon. I cannot just give up hope. I can't abandon the cause I have championed for so long now. If I only knew which path was the right one to take. If I could only see which tomorrow would be the most beautiful.
