To Grinch Or Not To Grinch That Is The Question

The holidays come but once a year and traditionally it is a time to give thanks.  It is a time to celebrate and share with those you love.  But, when you are single it can be a reminder of how alone you are during the most wonderful time of the year.  That reminder can initiate one of two emotions.  The first being joy that you don't have to deal with someone else's family, that you will save money on gifts, and that you don't have to worry about getting into any arguments about the holidays.  The second emotion it can bring up is one of sadness and depression.  When you don't have kids there aren't as many gifts under the tree, there is no one to snuggle up with during the first winter blizzard, and no one to kiss at midnight on New Years Eve.

It just hit me today that I am going to be alone this holiday season and I started thinking about which one of those options I am going to embrace?  Last year during the holidays I wasn't alone but I wasn't happy....I was in love but afraid that love was slipping away from me.  My relationship with Tom had fallen into a very dark place and I really couldn't handle it.  It's a blur to me of arguments, followed by tears, followed making up, and then a few days later it would all repeat itself.  But, I don't blame the holidays for that onset of madness it just happened and it could have happened at anytime of the year.  Yet through it all I didn't let all that bad suck up the good.  I had worked really hard to let go of my old Grinch ways.  We still put up a tree, wrapped gifts, and hung our stockings with care.

There were two things that triggered me letting go of my Grinch ways love and the fact that Tom would get so damn excited about all the gifts under the tree.  It was like watching an over grown six year old opening a hot toy when he would start unwrapping.  It made the holidays fun and for me they hadn't been for a really long time.   I lost my brother a few years ago so that just makes the Holidays not what they were when I was a kid. Tom filled that void of what I felt I was missing. So out I would go to black Friday shopping, I would get excited about my new Hallmark decorations, and bake cookies whenever possible.  I was ecstatic to spend New Years at home on the couch snuggled up with my fur baby and my boyfriend. 

So fast forward to this season and my struggle with my inner Grinch.  As of right now I feel melancholy.  I still plan on putting up the tree and hanging my new ornaments because I like to decorate.  But, I'm not that excited about not really having anyone to buy gifts for besides a couple family members.  Sure it will save me money and I could buy stuff for myself; that's just not as fun as when someone else gives you a gift.  It is exciting that I am close to a new year coming which will put an end to a terrible one.  It's depressing to think I have no one to share the excitement of that new year with me.  It's not that I need a boyfriend to be happy during this time of year; I think it's just that it's a shift from what I was getting used to again that is throwing me off.

I don't want to spend the holidays as a Grinch.  There is a lot to be thankful for and there are people who love me.  It's just getting over the hump and not letting the loss of fond memories affect my demeanor.  The reality is sometimes we are alone and it isn't easy.  We just have to remember that we have to celebrate ourselves at that point.  It's a time to get in touch with who we are and who we want to become.  There are a myriad of new adventures waiting for us around the bend.  I just know that big changes are on the horizon and slowly but surely I will get everything I am wishing for......that alone will help me stop my heart from growing back to two sizes to small.

Creepers Lay Off!

This blog isn't going to be particularly detailed it's more of a vent.  Seriously what is with all the random creepers lately?! They are everywhere!! Okay so I know I am single and very celibate; that doesn't mean I am desperate.  I'm just letting the universe be in control of my next step in the love area of my life.  Yet time and time again I am being harassed by some freak I don't know.  First of all it is not cool to poke a girl you don't know on facebook.  It's weird and I don't know you so that signals stranger danger to me.  It makes a guy seem desperate and I will not poke back or ask for your number.  Second if a girl ignores you when you are trying to talk to her at a bar just leave her alone.  Third cat calling a girl in a parking lot, at the mall, on the road, wherever is not attractive.  I am not going to stop what I am doing so that you can holla at me.  I'm not a hooker standing on a street corner.  Maybe this wouldn't be such an issue if these men were good looking?  But then again maybe it's not the looks thing but the you are a displaying the potential to be a rapper.  I can get over looks at time my ex-boyfriend resembled a young Charles Manson.  But this is no way to court a lady.  No wonder I prefer to spend night alone!

Divorce Everyone is Doing It!

It seems like every five minutes someone else is getting engaged.  Then five minutes later someone you know is getting divorced.  The vows of till death due us part don't matter anymore.  It has become till things get hard and then we will get divorced.  Now I have never been married (although maybe in my last relationship I might as well have been) but I'm pretty sure that just because there are issues it doesn't mean you are supposed to just quit. Kim K is the latest tabloid divorce; married just 72 day to Humps.  Do I think the whole situation is stupid?  Absolutely! But maybe she is just like most women except she is in Hollywood so the clock moves much faster?

Let's think about it.  Most women like Kim K have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls.  Meeting that special guy, having him get down on one knee, and putting on a fancy white dress.  It's a beautiful image for most of us. We can't hate on Kim K for having that same dream.  For some of us that dream comes true pretty quick.  Married with children all before the age of twenty five.  For the rest of us we start playing the waiting game.  Fantasy's about if this guy is to be the "one."  Years go on and like Kim K some of us will become desperate.  Women become afraid that society will dub them an old maid.  They make goals to become married to the next one because after all as long as they have waited he will be the right one.  Then the child brides who are now divorces jump on the wagon and fear they have to find husband number two ASAP!

The search begins and many of us like Kim K find a new relationship.  With in a few months or a year the dream becomes true and an engagement happens.  But is the guy really the one or is he just a Kris Humphries?  Sure maybe there are those people who find love at first sight.  The truth is it is few and far between when that actually happens.  It takes a while to really get to know someone so rushing into a marriage can be a recipe for disaster. Yet women don't think about that because they are in love with the fantasy. About being a bride, having a husband, and a family. Everything is all good and then the honeymoon ends.

Reality sets in and people will realize they are practically strangers.  Things that should be discussed before an engagement happens come up and cannot be resolved.  The bickering starts, bills start coming in, and sometimes babies. All Hell starts breaking loose and people are pushed to their limits.  Marriage isn't easy and it's too much pressure.  Plus now that they have done it once or twice they could always try again with someone else.  Divorce papers get filed in no time and it's on to the next one.  It's no big deal to them and with in two months they are a la Jennifer Lopez so in love with a new guy.

We are a disposable society and there is nothing that is sacred anymore.  I can understand and relate to these insecurities we feel and the pressure to be married I am a woman after all.  But I am not a person that settles or will rush into anything.  Maybe that is because I am emotionally traumatized from my last relationship. But, since that relationship was so complicated it gave me a preview of the hurdles that could potentially come up in a marriage.  It was a lot of work and I wasn't planning on just quitting. You take the good and the bad of a person when it is really love.  If I didn't quit that there is no way I am going to quit my husband.  Therefore I choose to be picky. 

Everyone around me can do what they want; they can all be Kim K's. But I will keep waiting and that maybe a long while.  I don't think being a divorce' is cool and I hate dating.  The last thing I want to do is being thrown into that scene after I was finally out of it.  Let's be serious there are a ton of creepy leaky's out there!  So do yourselves a favor before you make the leap ask yourself if you really know this person you are going to marry?  Do you really know you?  If you can't securely answer both those questions in detail it is probably a bad idea.