Love Doesn't Come In a Tiffany's Box

This past weekend someone commented to me that I might as well admit I was in my past relationship because of all the gifts I would receive.  She said that she knew I was the kind of girl that could marry for money.  The girl said she envied my ability to look out for no one but myself.  I found myself quite offended by her comments and I didn't respond to her at all.  I just smiled and walked away from her after all she didn't know me very well.  These were assumptions and everyone has them; it's just not often that they vocalize what they are thinking. 

The truth is that money had absolutely nothing to do with my relationship with Tom not even in a tiny way.  Like anyone woman naturally I did love getting gifts from Tiffany's, Coach, and Pandora.  However, even if the gifts were not coming it would not have changed the way that I felt.  Tom did not buy my affections in order to win me over.  I am not sure what other people assume but he is not a wealthy man by any means.  He is just average, he has an average job, with an average home, drives an average car, and makes an average salary.  Tom did not come from wealth at all; as a matter of fact he was as far from the spectrum of privileged as a person could be.  Everything he has he had to work for and even if some of that came from his winnings at the card table no one just gave him anything.

I did not set my eyes on him and think now that is my ticket to easy living.  I am sure that is what many people have imagined including relatives.  Now every family thinks their own is a prize to be won but lets be serious when it comes to economics he and I are not very different.  There is nothing so different about his bank account verses any other middle class college graduate.  I was not dreaming of grandeur at all nor was I living some extravagant lifestyle by being with him.  Gifts were a way to say I'm sorry or I care.....but we had no children I am sure things would be very different if we had other people we were responsible for because there would be more expenses.

I know it is hard to believe but I was with Tom because I loved him.  I was not with him because I was being a gold digger.  I loved that we shared the same sense of humor, that I could be myself with him, and that he was so much like me.  I was with him because he made me happy and most importantly he made me laugh.  It had nothing to do with anything else.  Honestly, I would have traded every single gift he ever gave me in exchange for the problems never settling in and destroying everything.  I am sure I would have fell in love with him even if he was a popper.  If he would have lost everything it wouldn't have mattered to me. 

I'm a romantic and in my life as much as security is important; it's not a priority.  I choose to be with the person who I look at at think I want to be with them every single day.  Not thank God he can buy me a Mercedes and take me to Paris.  Money may make the world go round but passion is what makes a relationship last.  To all the doubters my love was honest and it was true.  If it wasn't those things I would have never done some of the things I did....I simply would have moved on to my next victim.  But, I didn't because the emotions I felt were so profound I even have a hard time explaining them and they never could have been described by a little teal box because they had no price tag.

Back Stabbing Bitches Deserve to Get Theirs or When Good Friends Go Bad

Women in general can be bitches.  We often will gossip behind each others backs, call someone fat, and give dirty looks.  But there is a huge difference between just being a regular woman and being a back stabbing bitch.  The biggest difference is that back stabbing bitches will pretend to be your best friends, act like they are there for you, and at the same time they are plotting some way to ruin you or take advantage of you.  Now if you are lucky you won't encounter too many of these devious bitches in life because once you deal with one you will be on your toes.  No one wants to deal with them more then that so you remember the signs to look for to avoid them at all costs.  I recently cast off a back stabbing bitch from my life for the following offenses in no particular order.

1. Blaming me for stories her husband heard about her cheating to cover her ass by saying I was jealous and trying to ruin her life.
2. Having her gay scam artist friend sending me anonymous texts about this so called incident to harass me in the fashion of seventh graders.
3. Having multiple occurrences of cheating and affairs on various men putting me in the middle as cover up.
4. Calling me to a bar to tell me that my other friend was trying to make out with my boyfriend resulting in a huge fight when I was drunk.
5. Calling my boyfriend and talking about my relationship with him behind my back.
6. Borrowing my clothes and then lending them out to other people.
7. Never acknowledging the help I and other people have tried to provide to her.  Just feeling like it's okay to use people.
8. Telling my boyfriend I lied about being pregnant.
9. Telling my boyfriend I lied about having a miscarriage.
10. Telling my boyfriend if I was really pregnant it wasn't his baby.

The list of crazy could go on and on.  But this particular backstabber just obviously didn't say something stupid behind my back; she tried to ruin my life.  Some parts of her plan actually worked.  I can't even remember how many times some of these stories came up in arguments between Tom and I.  They even resulted in arguments between me and friends.  This is the dirtiest kind of bitch around.  She is like a honey badger having no regard for anyone else.  Who really does stuff like she did?  Well any back stabbing bitch would so I keep the list in mind and look for all the signs now.  I don't want to deal with any of that kind of stuff again.  So ladies watch, listen, and learn.  If you have one of these toxic back stabbing bitches in your life it's time to cast them off before they do too much damage.  Let's face it those kinds of issues will want to make you hurt them so bad you could go to jail and no one wants to do that.

God Save the King

I consider myself a strong woman.  I have over come the most terrible of obstacles and I have pushed myself to the limits at times.  But I find life to be overwhelming at times; well dealing with the mundane things any how.  I get migranes just thinking about doing things like finding a new car insurance company, budgeting, and dealing with every day repairs.  For a very long time I thought I am a feminist and I can do anything.  Today I realized I cannot do everything.

Maybe I am setting myself back into medieval times for thinking in such a way, but so be it.  I am a woman who needs to have a King that manages her life.  Not that he keep me under lock and key.....just that he runs the household.  I despise making major decisions I just want things taken care of  before I can even realize there was a problem.  The truth is I don't like dealing with those things not because I am ignorant but because I am lazy.  My life is very unorganized and chaotic.  I am a real mess.  I need an arogant asshole who reminds me to pick up and expects dinner on the table in exchange for taking care of me.

These kind of men are not that bad either they have their qualities.  I know that with such a King myself, my dog, and any children would always have a warm home to live in and anything else our heart desired.  These men are very proud and will do anything with in reason to make sure every knows how great it is to be married to him.  Not that love wouldn't have anything to do with this because I can only love a man with such qualities.  I enjoy learning and I will enjoy teaching.  I just don't want to have to work because it's the only way make ends meet and if I do I want it to be very difficult for my man not to feel fully like a man.

The things that coming along with this type of man; the cooking, the cleaning, the admiring, and being a perfect wife as well as mother.  I know I can handle that all.  I know this because I enjoy nurturing someone who really enjoys being taken care of themselves.  In my life there has to be someone who makes sure that everything has it's place outside of the four walls we live in.  These men also have a gentle side once they discover you have just the qualities they are looking for in life. They will be filled with passion and desire for you.  You can make them so happy that they cry and you can make them so angry they want to cut off your head.  Ultimately if you play your cards right you will become queen.  That is the position I want in life....to be in the care of the King.

I Am Abundant in Love....Keeping It Positive on Valentines Day

Being single on Valentines Day is a nightmare for most singles out there; especially women.  Flowers and chocolates fill the office.....while you sit there empty handed.  It's only a reminder that you will be going home to an empty house to enjoy dinner with your cat.  Some people opt to keep it up beat by having dinners with friends and maybe making a girlfriend your Valentine for the day.  This is done in hopes of not feeling suicidal at the end of the night.  But either way you handle it Valentines Day is not something you were looking forward to. 

There have been years where I spent the holiday happy and in love.  There were others that were terrible and lonely.  Last year was pretty bad seeing that it was in the middle of all of the bull shit I was dealing with Tom on.  I think I wanted to crawl up in to a ball and just hug a fluffy pillow while crying until I hyperventilated.  It was not a fun experience.  I woke up this morning still single, still nothing resolved, or nothing new in life.  But, I didn't feel sorry for myself.  Instead I thought about the things that do make me happy and that I am thankful for having in life. 

Lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching.....I want to discover life's answers.  I started by going back to reading "The Secret" and reflecting on the law of attraction.  Basically it states what ever you put out the the universe you will get back.  So by waking up and thinking I am alone the end result is being alone.  I have been trying to change that by meditating on events that I want to happen as if they already have happened.  By being thankful and trying very hard to not be negative.  It isn't easy because we are a society who wants instantaneous results from our actions.  Unfortunately that really is not how things work for anyone.  Everything takes time and Patience.

My heart is filled with hope and projection of what I want my future to bring.  In those moments when I think nothing is going to work out I have to reach into my internal wish base to register what is coming on the horizon.  I'm done listening to everyone else and I am done sharing with negative Nancy's.  This is my own little experiment I am conducting with the universe.  I am retraining the way I think and live so that I might experience life the way it is in my dreams.  Signs appear every where that will let me know I am on the right track.  I am also getting better at listening to my own inner voice and doing as it commands.  Next Valentines Day I will have a million reasons to celebrate because I am abundant in love and through my affirmations what I desire will come to pass.  And So It Is <3