Whether you were blinded by love or you just were trying to avoid the obvious there are a myriad of reasons you ignored that little voice inside you or why you didn't pay attention to the warnings the universe was throwing out at you. But, they were there and you are beating yourself up over it all. Paying attention to the details and why it's important is a lesson we all learn at some point in life. Sometimes we have to learn it more then once. All of this came to mind because this weekend I had a friend who found herself once again in such a situation.
She had a bad break up with her ex-boyfriend and she wasn't looking for love. In walks a nice guy who she normally wouldn't pay attention to and she decides to give him a chance. Immediately there is an issue with an old flame and it's an obvious give away to his true person. He assures her it was nothing, she gives him the benefit of the doubt. She ignored the sign that was presented to her. Fast forward to the past weekend. He is out of character by ignoring her and something inside keeps telling her this guy is a snake. She ignores it. Calls start coming in that he was out with someone else and chaos breaks loose. She realizes her gut was right, the signs were there, and she didn't listen. It all could have been avoided. If only she just trusted herself.
That is just one example of many that happen everyday. In my own life I recently came across an old email from Tom. He sent it to me last December right before the big explosions started and I am willing to share.
The background is it was an email I sent him about shoes he was looking for and this is what it turned into.
December 13, 2011
Tom "You know I love shoes. Not sure if I can pull off the twill ones. But you know me I will rock anything you buy me. You might not want to keep buying me shit. Your going to be extra pissed when I leave for another year or three."
Me "I'm not sure if I'm going to buy them captain buzz kill, i was just trying to get some ideas. Id be a little nicer if i were you don't forget who takes care of you. You are getting older and the days of needing your ass wiped are closer....you already have a bad back. "
Tom "That's fine I have my mom around for the next few yrs. Don't worry ill always keep you on call."
Me " I know your moms around, she always has been. Id have double the work if she wasn't. But she cant provide all the services i do :) you are just like the kanye song, you love i do everything u want but u hate it at the same time. Granted i have some flaws but so do you. I understand you feel the need to shit on me once and a while and there is no point in getting upset. You are lucky, you don't see me begging for a ring or babies like most girls. I'm a good catch u would be lucky if i agreed to be yo baby momma again lol"
Tom "Good.....so your saying you will be o.k without me again for a few years? I'm glad you are getting use to getting shit on and just take it in stride. I don't like shitting on you I just have uncontrollable bowel syndrome that makes me shit on people."
I should have read between the lines. I should have recognized the signs. Tom was telling me exactly what he was going to do. Instead I wrote it off as a joke with my responses and I put it in the back of my mind. I didn't take the opportunity to prepare myself for an assault. Maybe things would have taken a different direction if I did....not that the relationship would have been saved, but maybe I could have saved myself a lot of explosions, episodes of acting like a lunatic, and heartache. However, I did not do anything of the sort. I forgot all about the email until I came across it recently. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. This was his plan and this is how he feels he controls us and our future.
Both of these scenarios represent situations where life lessons have been learned. There is nothing more powerful then instinct. After all we are human which means we are animals. Our gut feeling, ability to see the signs, to look deeper into something those are gifts we are given for survival. Never again will I ignore what the universe is trying to show me. That applies to every area of my life. When you just know something is going to happen more then likely it is going to. It's time to open yourself up to trusting you.
