If you know what the future brings then how do you still manage to make a mess out of your life? That's easy you didn't pay attention and that is why when I get my mambo on the phone I write it all down. Today I had reading to for see what is to come in 2011. A girl who is finding her grounding and aiming high when it comes to love and happiness. That was pretty much the theme. That life would become whatever I made it.
I got some good stuff about travel and spending time with friends. But I also got a lot about me and Tom. Rule number one.....do not go crazy on, drunk dial, or attempt to cry on new years eve. I learned tonight that what ever your mood is at midnight will set the mood for the rest of your year. So if mope around and play a heartbroken drama queen that is what will happen sorrow in 2011. It's not going to be easy, I am more upset that Tom and I aren't spending that night together more so then the fiasco that was Christmas. I just wanted a New Years kiss. Is that too much for a girl to ask for?
Tom is at a crossroads but he is stuck. He can't move forward into commitment, marriage, and children. But, he can't move backwards, letting me go, being finished with us. He is stuck and has stuck me there with him. He doesn't know what he wants to do with me. Tom loves my voice and my sweetness but he feels betrayed by my psycho twin that is inside my large intestine. He of course wants me perfect. But he needs to be in control like Darth Vader.
Now I have a choice to stay there with Tom or to run far away as far as possible. I'm choosing to not think about it. I am going to instead plan my days for me. I will try to change my bad habits and wake up each day smiling. I will be a ball full of positive. I won't cry anymore. Tom can stand there for a little while longer because I am highly entertained. Maybe I will take a vacation. But I'm not ready to quit Tom, he is some one special inside. If only he could keep that guys motor running. I'm going to feed him rainbows and care bears grown by my laughter. If you keep pumping some one with those kind of anti-depressants they are bound to snap out of it. On that note I'm done saying I'm sorry because I already have and it's in the past now. It doesn't need to be brought up again. The only thing of yesterday that needs to be remembered is that first awkward winter break kiss.....
