A year in the life of......

A collection of true stories of: Triumphs and Failures. Random Thoughts and Rants in life and love of a Masocistic Beauty Queen.



Wednesday, December 7, 2011

You Had a Kid....You Didn't Cure AIDS!

As a non-mom I just needed to take a moment and say I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, SHIT, FUCK about your stupid kid.  Yeah Yeah I am sure all the mommas and mommies to be out there are going to be so offended by what I have to say....but guess what.....this is my blog.  Therefore I will hate kids and bash them as I see fit.  Let's take a minute to talk about my latest annoyances about kids.  First of all why so many fucking nicknames?  I mean seriously it's a human being not a dog.  Do you have to find one million ways to call your kid that are even more stupid then the awful name you gave it when it was born?  The second annoyance I have with kids lately is all the pictures of them.....on facebook, in emails, on blogs, in cubicles, and on the wall in your house.  I am sure all these parents will say, "Well you post too many pictures of your dog."  Well fuckette dogs are fucking cute.  They sell millions of calendars and products every single year.  They also beat babies and kids out on the regular on America's funniest videos. 

Then there is that entitlement that you ladies feel just because you're moms.  I'm over the well you don't understand because you don't have kids.  Just because you got pregnant and had a baby doesn't make you better or smarter then me.  You know why?  Because anyone can get knocked up.  I was even knocked up at one point and it wasn't hard to do.  I just had to get wasted with Tom and let him bone me raw dog....boom I was knocked up.  That's all it took....my cervix is just stupid.  Yes that is what went wrong it was incompetent according to the doctors. Yes it was sad and sure it may be kind of evil that secretly on the inside I am so God damn glad I don't have a kid right now. But still it wasn't hard to become pregnant.  Monkey's can do it.  So a big go fuck yourself for your higher then thou attitude.  My degree is more of an accomplishment then your stupid baby.  Maybe you have kids because you are a bigger whore then I am.

While we are on the topic of kids and why they are stupid it would be nice if you would sometimes or most of the time tell your little ugly brat to SHUT THE FUCK UP!  I don't care about anything the kid has to say about Santa, play dough, or Barbies.  Kids voices make my ears bleed and conversation with them isn't cute.  So put a muzzle on them when it's grown up time.  Last but not least if you are that asshole that takes your kid to the mall, target, or starbucks put them in the damn stroller.  Really there is no reason for them to be walking around and getting in my way.  The lord invented strollers for a reason and that was to strap those little shit heads in and keep them out of the way.  If you decide to let them walk around don't get pissed when they get kidnapped by some creeper or when I trip them while they are walking for fun. That's all hopefully I can get through the rest of my day with out having to see another stupid kid!