I was eating peaches today and as I did I started to depart from this world. I then implanted my self into a land of fantasy. Everything is made of crystal and beautiful. The tree branches are constructed of silver and gold. There he is across the room holding his hand out; ready to dance with me. I danced and never tired. I was unaware of the world around me. It's a strange thing that when everything looks perfect, it feels that way.
I understand now I am once again numb. I am no longer feeling anymore. But that is okay, because if I start to think about everything that has happened I might break again. I can't do that anymore. The time has come for me to change. Although I cannot lie to the rest of the world anymore, I can retreat. I can disappear behind my eyes to that fantasy land where I find so much comfort. The truth is I am so very afraid.
I am afraid of what is to come even though I sense that it is all going to turn out just as I dreamed, but in a more realistic setting. I have hurt so much in the past I don't even want to feel a tiny bump on my journey to tomorrow. I have to protect my heart most of all. It is still very fragile. In this setting of beauty and wonder I can also become lost in melody. The most perfect thing to me is a lovely song and I can feel each note as it flows through my veins.
Each day in my fantasy land as I dance in the most precious ball gown there are so many other perfect things. The dress is white so it is almost as if it is my wedding day everyday. My partners eyes are kind and never look empty as Tom's can. Everyone at the party is there for one reason and that is to see me. He finally takes the backseat and allows me to have my chance to shine. I no longer have a clue what is really going on outside. Yes that is the way it will have to be if I am to change. I must cope in a new less self destructive way and no one can take my dreams away. Even more special I can't be judged for them or hurt anyone if I am not fully awake.
