Today should be day twelve but apparently blogger had some issues yesterday and decided to take a crap. It has been one of those days where I just feel exhausted. Partially because I took a wicked yoga class yesterday and my muscles ache terribly. The other portion is because I have kind of been feeling like Taylor on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills minus the enormous checking account. I of all people am so outgoing and I love to have a good time. When I am happy and in love I want the world to know. I do want to celebrate my life....but with Tom instead I feel isolated at times.
Granted he is a private person but sometimes I just want to scream why! Tom used to be this fun loving free spirit. He could have you laughing till you started to cry. But, lately he has turned into this introverted, judgemental, freak. I think the other guy is still in there but has been jailed by "the christian" way of life. Granted the parasite doesn't allow him to drink but plenty of people who don't indulge are still social. There was a time I didn't have to go to parties alone. When I didn't have to keep parts of my life a secret. I miss those times.
I miss dancing until my feet hurt so bad I have to take my shoes off to keep going. I miss spur of the movement adventures. I miss care free decision making. Most of all I miss the person I fell so hard for who only makes appearances on odd dates of the year. I want that person to be around all the time. I know there are other options. They have been presented. But it is hard when you love someone and you know that just maybe that feeling you felt in the beginning could come back. Two things have to happen. I need to make some decisions and Tom needs to be willing to let go and just let life happen. If not I might just have to take the first flight out..... because this girl just wants to have fun with someone who loves life as much as she does.
