I've been thinking a lot the past couple days. Not just reflecting on the crazy that is Tom and I, but on all men I have been involved with. About all the men my girlfriends have been with and there is one common bond between them all. At some point the inner douche has to come out. Now there are many levels to the douche bag that hibernates inside all men. It can range from baby douche to ultra douche. But no matter what they all carry it deep down inside and the douche just fights them to be released.
I typically date in the range of the intermediate to ultra douche. Let's examine these two specimens for some further understanding. A while ago I dated a guy named Ken...who like his name sake the Ken doll was pretty dreamy. He was fun, upbeat, and a major intellectual. I had a lot of good times with Ken. I thought this guy probably a baby douche inside....WRONG! My douche radar was totally off. Because you see at this point in Ken's life he figured out he was a living Ken doll and his douche was able to feed. It had grown into intermediate douche with a side of conceded. He knew he was cute and his douche used it to his advantage. This fabulous Ken doll was a ladies man! I couldn't believe it, totally took me by surprise. In return my inner bitch was released on a scale of ten. Rule number one for douche bags....jealously always releases a mega bitch. Lesson if it looks like a douche it's probably a douche. On the positive I think that ken's douche was sent to douche reform school so it's more of a toddler now.
Tom is my example number two. He is an easy call for anyone who reads my blog. An ultra douche on steroids. But lets us really think what brings out such an ultra piece of shit? Insecurities make it grow big and strong. Tom unlike Ken is not the guy you look at and say break me off a piece of that. He is not particularly good with the ladies or in the bedroom. So his ego has to compensate some how and that is by being an ultra douche bag. He has to cut you down and make you feel stupid in order for him to feel more secure. Which is the worst when it comes to douche bags....the only solution would really be to inject him with pure MD MA. This type of douche just really needs to learn to love themselves.
So as you can see douche bags come in all shapes and sizes. You just have to learn how to react to them and always keep your radar on. Because even that nice guy could be a baby douche....like he might forget your birthday three years in a row. But, you must learn the douche feeds on reaction so always remain calm. If you can't beware of what is to be released and what can grow. Plus you don't want to let your bitch out because a whole new set of chaos will be let loose.
